Pussy Cats
Does anyone else find these big fruit ads offensive?
I Call My Baby P-u-s-s-y
I honestly don’t think that any woman would have ever pitched these visuals for Absolut. Not even a dyke and she would have a way better understanding of what a clitoris actually looks like. Well at least the research that was done probably helped in the end. Somebody’s girlfriend has to have benefited from this piece of bothersome 20-foot wall of - ok I’ll say it - pussy.
So here’s something that is going to end badly.
Across the street from our house lives a sweet-as-could-be elderly woman. This past March her 58-year-old daughter died of ovarian cancer. The daughter lived there with her mother, who is 86, is this huge house. I think the arrangement was that the daughter was going to retire and take care of her mother, who can move around pretty good but still, 86 is a little old to be clanking around in a big old house by ones self.
Now the woman lives there by herself.
She has several folks that visit her throughout the week. A few from her church run errands and take her to church. There is a guy who comes by and mows the yard and does all the gardening that the daughter used to do. There is even someone who drives a Mercedes over there every now and then.
You know, I am not an overall neighborly nice person. This is why I love living in New York. No one gives a fuck unless your situation is truly screwed up, but even then… no one really cares because we’re all so fucking weird up here.
The Mission of the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors | I think I need to go here.
Here is the problem. She has a cat. A cat that is very affectionate to the point of annoying. The daughter was the cat’s person and now, the cat is lost. I can just tell and I feel horrible for it. Oh sure the cat likes the mother but she was really the daughter’s cat.
The woman lets the cat out all the time and now the fucking thing is crossing our busy street to come visit us.
This all started when I began going over there to check on the woman and just to see if she needed anything. Sometimes I would hang out for about a half hour, just to visit. She’s really very nice and has lived in her house since 1937. While I’m there the fucking cat throws itself at me, demanding attention.
This is a huge problem because the thing sees us outside dicking around in the yard and it just walks out without looking. Just steps on the pavement and starts walking while meowing towards us. This is all rather cute but very, very deadly.
This, my friends, is going to be a mess. Literally a mess directly in front of both of our houses. There will be a dead cat smear that no rain will really ever be able to wash away. Not only did her daughter die, but also it is really just a matter of time before I kill her cat.
Truly, no good deed goes unpunished.
The only ‘plan’ I have is to spray the shit out of it with water. Turn the hose on it if I’m watering the yard or carry a squirt bottle with me and just let loose, praying I don’t squirt it directly into the path of an oncoming car.
Part of me wants to snag the cat and give it to someone far, far away. I think it would be much easier for all of us to have the woman tell me that her cat is missing rather than the alternative.
Jesus. First a dog in Madison Square Garden and now this. I think I’m going to have to have my meds adjusted or something.
