Bourbon Scallops: Think of it as a Side Dish
This week brings us the most unpleasant piece of home destruction that we have yet to undertake. Usually our bullshit has been kept all outside for the neighbors to see. Whenever we meet someone new and tell them where we live, they always ask if we were that house with the foil all over it.
The Foil House
But now ladies and gentlemen, we are taking it inside; specifically the first floor bathroom. We are having our plumber rip out the old tub, tile and general grossness:
Yuck
that has become us and put in a new tub and wall stuff. Sounds simple but it will be most disgusting and most disruptive. At least we can live on the air mattress upstairs for a few days. Kind of like camping next to the litter box. However, the upstairs bathroom is if not just as bad, I’m thinking that it might actually be worse. We have mold, we have leaking and we have a mess, up and down. But hey hey, look what they found under the tub!
New York American 1932
So in ‘prep’ for this assault, we have moved almost all of the living room shit over to the one side of the room and threw a bunch of tarp over it. 
Took down all the photos in the living room, hall and the big glass one in the bedroom. The TV is in Martha’s office. I’ve sealed up the kitchen to try and keep as much debris away from our food area as possible. I wish I could say that we are getting a whole new bathroom but we are not. It’s just the bathtub/shower thing. We, as in actually Martha and I, still will have to rip up the floor; prep the walls for painting; paint the walls and vanity and replace the medicine cabinet. All crap that we should be able to do. The floor thing will be tricky but what’s a little adhesive in a confined room on a humid day going to do? Right?
I have estimated the worst so therefore my emotional attachment and ability to make fucked up decisions on the fly should be intact. My ‘guess’ is once they start ripping stuff out, we will find that not only the walls need to go, but the 2 x4’s, floor, (possible floor boards) and about four other things that I am currently unaware of their existence but by the end of this process, will be completely knowledgeable about. I should literally be learning something new, every day. Concerns outside of home destruction? Living upstairs with the cats. Well not the cats, more like one particular batshit crazy cat. My little studio is not large enough to house her particular brand of insanity. It barely can contain mine. I almost want to board her somewhere.
*Update: Zoe shit the bed immediately and had to be sealed in the bedroom with a bowl of water.
Not only do I have to sleep up there, I’ll be up there all day long - working. The air mattress smushes up against my chair giving me the weird sensation of riding in a bumper car but without all that thrilling laughter. Once all of the crap that we think we are going to need for the week was up there, there was no room to walk around. It’s more of a shimmy thing. So me and the cats, upstairs 24/7 for about a week. If, on a beautiful and breezy 70-degree day in Manhattan, my back seized up during a simple little lunch on the Upper Eastside, I wonder if by Friday I’ll end up in the psych ward wearing bunny pajamas and playing with crayons. Well, at least I have therapy on Saturday.
