Voices in My Head

Three and a Half months later…

I have had:

• Acupuncture.
• My back rubbed every night and every morning by Martha, who is almost as sleep deprived as I am.
• To use one 9V battery every day for nine solid weeks until finally being prescribed pain medication that allows me to remove the TENS unit every now and then.

In the proper light, the right side of my back has a weird scar type sheen to it from all the skin irritation and burn marks that I was subjected to.

Two MRI’s: One was an open one where I screamed in pain for fifteen minutes before they finally gave up. The other MRI was a three-hour event with sedation. They scanned my brain, neck and torso.  The radiologist found peculiar nodes on my spine that are pushing into my bone marrow, causing inflammation that in turn triggers my back to repeatedly spasm. While gazing at the MRI’s the radiologist also noticed a 1.3 cm nodule on my right thyroid (posterior).

Four rounds of blood tests.

An Ultra Sound on my Thyroid

A Fine Needle Biopsy of my Thyroid. A FNB is where they stick a needle in your throat and into the nodule.

The needle has a small grippy thing on the end. They move the needle in a back and forth movement four or five time to get chunks of the nodule, pull it out and put the material on a glass smear.  They do this four times.  I shit you not.

• A Mammogram.
• A Pap Smear.
• A shot of Steroids in my spine.
• A D&C with Hysteroscopy and IUD insertion.
• A professional Haircut; the fist time since the last time I got married in 1982.
• Ten rounds of therapy in thirteen weeks.
• My head medicine ‘adjusted’ twice.
• A Root Canal.
• My cell phone on ‘off’ ignoring emails from just about everyone.

I have been on:

• Two different anti-inflammatory drugs: Result = Nothing
• Nerved pain medication: Result = Nothing
• Two different muscle relaxers: Result = Nothing
• Sleeping pills: Result = Nothing
• An antidepressant that is used for pain but instead, caused me to have bone chilling, terrifying nightmares.  And you know if I am commenting on the horror they must have been on the level of a Hellraiser/Saw kind of thing. Result = Nothing but night terrors
• Vicodin: One of the two things that actually work.
• Percocet: This is the second thing that actually works but only by blocking the pain, certainly not fixing anything.
• Valium: Result = Nothing
• Xanax: Result = Nothing

I have seen:

• Two neurologists: One was cool but too far away.  The other I have had to beg and plead with for medication.
• A pain management specialist: The verdict is still out on this guy.
• An Endocrinologist.
• An OBGYN
• Bits and pieces of my sanity flick off me like peeling paint on a clapboard house.

I have attempted to gain control of my life by:

• Reorganizing my office to a point where everything is in a completely different place.  I’ve moved everything and anything that isn’t connected to the house. Things like plumbing and walls are still intact.
• Purchasing a new computer, a scanner, a chair and a large piece of glass for a door that I’ve made into a desk.

• Painting the living room and the hallway.
• Ripping up the nasty vomit stained carpet in the living room.
• Getting married after eighteen years of living with my partner.  Not in New York mind you but still, we are married in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

• Hanging work in four shows.
• Making a 2010 calendar.
• Raising my hourly rate.
• Working on seven client projects, three of which are still going on.
• Going into Manhattan twice to shoot.  It was only two times and I was wired to a TENS unit and loaded with drugs so it worked, sort of.  I had to leave early both times.

I have also had to:

• Do two emergency drives to the Kingston Animal clinic. The last one resulting in the death of the seventeen-year-old black and white cat the day after Thanksgiving.

After her cremation we realized that we had bought an urn that was too small. We had to open Mona’s urn and shove her in there,

but not before splitting her so that part of her could fit in the new urn that currently sits on my desk beside the monitor.

I still:

• Do not have a Facebook account.
• Download music.
• Go to the gym on Vicodin while wearing the TENS unit; whenever possible.
• Conduct client meetings with a good deal of confidence.
• Love Martha and have sushi with her every Friday night.

• Love Jasmine.

Miss my cat.

Have horrible teeth.

Roll around on the Yoga ball like a lunatic.

• Make weird lists but forget that I’ve made them.  Or I loose them, forget to bring them or misread them.
• Do not drive.
• Crave to be in Manhattan.
• Shoot, but not nearly enough.
• Attempt to do a Photo of the Day.
• Have to paint the bathroom.
• Enjoy a fluffy snow fall from the comforts of a Sunday morning.

This week I have a dental appoint and the other cat’s ass is inflammed and requires medical attention.

My daughter is applying for food stamps and there is some actual conversation about her coming up here to live with us.  We are no longer able to make any of her ends meet, let alone ours.

Oh and Monday the 14 th is my 47 th birthday.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 13th, 2009 at 7:55 pm and is filed under Cats, Death & Dying, Dental Issues, Drugs, Fucked Up Medical Issues, Living in Public, My Fucking Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.